At this moment, I get empowered from having a rhythm to my everyday life and from being in a relationship. It is the foundation of my life. What also gives me strength is that I do not need to have contact with people, who I would end up fighting with, for example over drugs, or who by other means decrease my energy and resources and who take me in the wrong direction. That can no longer be an option in my life. With some old friends I am in contact with, because in those cases I go in friendship first. Still, I do appreciate when others make an effort in life. I've received lots of support from the "Vahvasti tukien" group, where I've been given peer support for my life changes. There, I can be myself.

My own conviction ended a couple weeks ago. I am trying to arrange my life, so that I drink alcohol only occasionally, and I won't punish myself over it too much. I was totally sober for 11 months. I've noticed that hard drugs don't agree with me, because they mess with everything in my life, that is good.

For a long time I was in the underworld, where all sorts of things happen. I've come to realize that it pays to be in normal life. In calm circumstances you can get further in life. Choosing a normal life doesn't mean that matters are easy – on the contrary; now things are at times difficult, because everything feels strange, and my brain is a mess from that. When I get stuff sorted out though, the feeling of victory is insane. Sorting out stuff and calm surroundings are better than going round to apartments and streets, selling drugs.

I think of these thoughts daily, because they're still in need of polishing. This has been, and still is, a deep process. I've experienced everything that you could ever ask of a wild youth. Now I want to grow up to be an adult, or at least attempt it.

From myself it requires patience. Additionally, it's important to be square with some things, that for other people may be normal. You need to be comfortable with yourself, because if you have to fight too much, everything may just fall apart.

I prioritize the positive in life as much as I can. Even the smallest of good things are infinitely important, if you are used to being on drugs, then your mind is on completely different stuff. I've come to notice that I can be happy, even if life is a little hard. I appreciate friendship and family values. Just a few good friends are enough. Sometimes you really need to go out of your way to look for a positive outlook, but I strive to always do it, even if by using black humor.

With exercise I get my brain going in a good way and I can release the thoughts in my mind in a healthy way. Otherwise, I'll lose it. Before, I used to do sports as a kid, I've now found it again and noticed how good it does. I'm trying to keep doing sports no matter what.

At this moment I am planning on applying to schools, that's a big matter. Other than that, I live day to day. "Easy does it." I don't want to make a fuss, but to get forward steadily. I wish that my future holds health, welfare, and that I could study.